This week I am still sick, so my partner Jeff helps me answer questions on foreplay, polyamory, and breaking the ice.
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This week’s links:
More Than Two
FetLife
SwingLifeStyle
Blow Each Other Away
The Ethical Slut
sextoyrecycling.com
With the current state of “date rape culture” I feel terrified to hook up with anyone at a party. In your opinion, if drinks are involved, is it better to never hook up with someone while under the influence than risk what could be a rape?
A wild follow up appears. I have talked to her about it in just about every place and I always use I statements; the couch, the dinner table, the bedroom, the restaurant, the bathroom. And she just gets sad and feels bad because she feels she isn’t conveying that she loves me. It’s actually not oral see. I’m talking about even just passionate kissing. That is difficult to sustain. Hand stuff as well. It’s not just oral, I just would like intimate foreplay that involves anything. Her philosophy, at its simplest, seems to be “if your hard and I’m wet, why not sex?”. She also is rarely ever “turned on” or “horny”. Like, if she initiates any intimacy, I am surprised because of how little it happens. But I don’t express the surprise for fear of sharing it off. Like a deer or a bunny.
I definitely do not blame or attack her though because when I air my concerns, I also always ask if there is anything I can do to improve things. She has been diagnosed with clinical depression, which I know has a lot of influence on the way she feels, but I just want to make her feel good about herself. I have adopted, a few months ago, admiring specific body parts as opposed to her in general. I’ll try to keep you up to date as well. I thank you for everything.
So, tonight I had a talk with her again and she explained to me that “in her brain, she wants to be intimate but her body doesn’t react.” that she is in fact horny and thinking as such but doesn’t feel it in her body. Part of me feels this is my fault: that I’m less attractive or that I just don’t do it for her like I used to. There used to be certain things I could do to get her going: rubbing her back, kissing her clavicle, even just spooning tighter than normal could get her revved up and ready to practically maul me. Now, there seems to be nothing I can do to arouse her. Maybe it’s the “White Knight” in me, but I can’t help but feel it’s my fault. Nothing has changed in our relationship except for me (but only slightly) I’ve been fairly frustrated sexually, to the point where I’ve almost done a 180 ° and am starting to accept this is how things I’m becoming complacent. I just don’t know what to do anymore.